Rehab 1 (cont 5)

So, Mick has been sent home. Nancy is now starting to warm up to Jed. There is something weird about that I know. Remember Nancy is probably in her mid-forties, Jed is 28 and Mick is 18. I think Nancy just wanted to be loved or something. In group she claimed to love her husband and family but it seemed like she was content even happy to throw it all away. By now I am the leader of the rehab and Jed is my assistant. What that meant is every morning one of us would call role, assign someone to give an encouraging thought and assign someone to pick a song that we would listen to as a group and try to relax or meditate. A lot of Pink Floyd and Pearl Jam, this usually pissed off the RR guys because they liked country or Lynrd Skynrd. They dealt with it. At night a lot of the patients would sit outside on the patio and smoke. It was January and it was very cold so I would go out occasionally and sit with them but usually I would stay in and talk to whoever was still inside. One night the common phone rang. All the patients had one phone to share for calls home or to friends. So I answered it and it was a call for Nancy. the caller had a terrible British accent. As I was going to find Nancy in her room I got to thinking and then laughing, it was Mick pretending like he was from Great Britain I guess. So I went back and got on the phone, "um, Mick, is this you?" He was like no sir this is a friend of her from London and I just want to see how she is doing. I was like Mick it's Sam. He hesitated and then admitted it. I told him it was the worst accent I had ever heard and to try a different one next time or to ask for me and I would get her for him so it wouldn't seem so suspicious. He still trusted me and agreed to that plan. He told me that he was in love with Nancy and she was in love with him and they were planning their lives together but he left before they were done. I really tried to talk him out of it by reminding him that she had a husband who wanted to work it out and kids that were his age. what I didn't tell him is that 10 minutes after he left, Nancy was all over Jed. He didn't care he couldn't live without her. So I went to find her. I found her cuddling with Jed in the movie room, I said that I didn't know who was calling and she went and talked to him, told him she loved him so much and then went right back to Jed.
I was really struggling with cravings and all the pain. The drugs they were giving me really were messing me up. I was stuttering really bad and I was so self conscious about slurring that I would talk really fast. I had a hard time as leader of the group with my speech. It was strange, something I had never had a problem with was speech and I was freaking out that it would be permanent. As leader of the group I had to talk out loud a lot and it was hard.
Once a week about 12 patients would get to go on an outside activity. Usually it was bowling. We were supposed to be learning how to have fun while sober. We would always stop at a grocery store to buy treats or cigarettes or whatever. As leaders Jed and I would always get a list of stuff and money from the patients who weren't allowed to go and we would buy their stuff for them. About the third week of doing this I was walking around the grocery store and I bumped into my old friend Mike at the Pharmacy. I remembered that he would take this old lady to the pharmacy to fill her prescription of OC's and he would give her some coke as trade. I couldn't believe it. I walked by him and whispered "dude, hook me up. I am still in rehab and I am dieing" and I walked off. I was freaking out, if I got caught it would be really, really bad. I wasn't sure what to do. Should I just walk out or wait and see if he comes thru. Then jed found me and started following me around. I couldn't let him or anyone know. I saw Mike motion to me like how do you want to do this, I was totally freaking. I told Jed some stuff to get I went the other way and walked by Mike. He slipped me two 40 mg OC's. I was so nervous that someone had seen. The Recreational Therapist was named Mandy and she was cool and she really liked me. She was younger like late 20's. Her brother had OD'd and died from drugs. She would often pull me aside and say how I reminded her of her brother and she really wanted me to make it and she knew that I could. I really didn't want to let her down. I really liked her. As I turned the corner after getting the OC's she was right there. I thought I was busted for sure. There I was face to face with her with two OC's in my hand. I am sure my face was giving it away but I just said that I wasn't feeling real well. She hadn't seen the exchange but she had seen me briefly talk to him earlier. I put the shit in my little change pocket of my jeans and hoped for the best. As soon as we got into the van she started asking me a lot of questions about him. She seemed very nervous. We weren't supposed to talk to anyone not associated with the hospital. I explained to her that he was an old high school sports team mate and he didn't even know why I was there. Finally, she was okay with it. She warned everyone not to abuse this privelege. I was like "what was I supposed to do? I knew him and he came up and wanted to talk to me like a normal person" I think that kind of mellowed her out. I don't know if I have ever been so nervous.
That Sunday was the Super Bowl. Everyone went to the movie room for a super bowl party. I told Jed and anyone else who could hear that I was still having problems with my diahrea and that I would be back as soon as I could but to save me a seat because it might take a while. I went back to Jed and my room. Crushed one of them up and snorted it. Oh my HELL. It felt so good. I felt normal again, even great again. Better than I had ever felt. My aches went away, my head cleared up, my joints didn't hurt, I could even speak. I went back to the game. All of a sudden I started thinking about what I had done. I didn't feel guilty I was just worried that there might be some kind of a camera in my room. I got more and more nervous. finally, I decided I had to go check it out. I went back to my room and looked around, everywhere. As soon as I thought everything was ok I just said what the hell and snorted the other one. I kept telling myself, how can it be so bad to feel good. I just felt good, not high. the only time I felt guilty about that was when I was around Mandy. I shouldn't have risked it, but it was so worth it to have an evening of peace. That is how I felt, peaceful and ok. I just couldn't believe it could be that wrong to feel good. Needless to say that was the best Super Bowl party ever. No one ever knew, not even Jed.
In my next post I will finish up with the Jed, Mick and Nancy situation. Atleast what i know. I think you will be surprised.
Peace.