The view from the classroom of Narco was absolutely amazing. Just imagine the third floor of a Newport Beach House with sliding glass doors and large windows all around you looking out over the Pacific Ocean. Most days we would see dolphins out in the surf or other interesting things in the water. It was tough to keep your mind on the work in front of you. I would often find myself daydreaming and just looking out the window at the water or the beach. During breaks a lot of the students would head for the water. Most would just take a boogie board, a few would go out and surf. My young friend Brian H. would always surf. He absolutely loved it and would go out no matter the weather conditions. He had a couple of wetsuits and two surfboards. Both of his boards were short boards, at first I didn't really know there was much of a difference between the long board and the short board. I only knew that Brian was a really good surfer and it was cool to watch him. He was definately addicted to Heroin and surfing. It was like he had to surf each day or he just didn't feel good. He was really at home in the water. When Chris showed up he really talked like he was an awesome surfer and that was all he used to do. On our first day of class brian offered Chris one of his boards and a wetsuit to borrow during the morning break. Chris was stoked, he was all over it. I encouraged it because Chriss really had a hard time sitting in class. He got real fidgety and was always bugging the other students. he looked like a surf bum so i figured he would be as good as Brian. At break I stayed in the classroom to watch them hit the waves. It was winter and cold, but he waves were generally pretty good. They paddled out and Brian hit some great waves but I never saw Chris do shit. He maybe caught two waves and they were less than impressive rides. After a few minutes Chris paddled in and disappeared running up the beach to the Narco house. A few minutes later I noticed him running back out to the waves. Brian was still out there surfing. Chris paddled out again and this time he was catching all the waves, but he seemed to be going slower and didn't make the same sharp, quick cuts as Brian. When they came back to class Chris was going on and on about how awesome the surfing was and couldn't wait to get back out there. He kind of made sure everyone heard him talking. When Chris went to the bathroom I asked Brian how good Chris was. Brian said "He sucks, he can't handle a short board and had to go in and borrow a "Rhino Chaser". I asked what the hell that was. Turned out that Chris couldn't handle the short board and ran in and asked someone on the boardwalk to use their longboard. Chris never had a problem asking random people to borrow stuff or have stuff. He definately knew how to survive on the streets. Brian was kind of disgusted and was all done surfing with Chris.
As time went on Chris had a tougher and tougher time sitting in class and he could not get through all the TR's. He just couldn't sit still for more than two minutes. One night after class Stew took Chris into the basement and showed him an old longboard that someone left at Narco after they graduated. It was pretty thrashed but Chris was really excited. He spent the next three nights working on the rhino chaser and got it ready to go. Somehow he came up with a wetsuit and after that he was in the water everyday and late for class everyday. They eventually took the board away from him until he could get back to class on time. He never did quite work it out but it sure helped him to handle class when he was surfing. I never did get the whole story on chris. I knew he grew up on a boat, his dad was an asshole to him. I don't think he came with many clothes or anything, he had no money, he looked cool with his long hair and tan skin and he had plenty of self proclaimed street hustle. Chris had hepatitis and was often sick. I never saw any family come to visit him at all and he never had a cent. Chris was in the suana with me for about a week. During that week he got a Sty(sp?) in his eye and some of the students caught him dumpster diving for clothes or whatever. We would get really bored in the sauna so I would always try to come up with little things to have fun or games to play to pass the time. Sometimes I would say everyone had to talk with a British accent or Italian mobster accent. The day we did Italian accents was just after Chris got the eye infection and was rifling through trash. He was really into the accent thing and made everyone call him Sty Garbagio in an over done accent. He actually kept that going the whole time he was at Narco. Chris had a real tough time in the sauna and when we would take breaks to dive in the ocean to cool off he never wanted to go back to the house. After about a week of sauna time Chris told everyone his B-day was the next day and his girlfriend was coming to visit. At the time Matt was the Sauna CI. That meant staff in charge of the sauna students. He would sit at a desk right outside the sauna door and make sure we were ok and that the sauna stayed over 220 degrees. He also made sure we all took our Niacin, fish oil and a bunch of other pills. We also had to drink some kind of nasty oil. It was thick and hard to keep down. we took all of this shit before and after every sauna session.
Chris begged Matt for the day off the next day for his birthday. They went and met with Jack and I guess they worked it out. However, they didn't want Chris to leave the house with his girlfreind. She was still using heroin on a daily basis and Matt and Jack were very worried about her coming to see him. We were all pretty excited to see what this chick looked like. We had heard some very crazy stories about her and we really expected one wild chick to show up. If she could keep up with Chris I knew she must be a pretty hard core chick. When she showed up we were not disappointed. Chris only had a couple of tatoos, but his girlfriend was covered with them. She drove an old, shitty late 60's model Chevrolet pick-up and was definately a tough looking lady. She looked kind of like she could of been cute without all the tatoos and bandanas and the way she dressed. Basic white tank top and denim over-alls. Her hair had tight braids and a red bandana over her head like Aunt Jemima. She certainly fit the mold of an IV drug user. She had one friend with her and her friend was really strung out. She couldn't even get out of the car. Nathan the detox guy was the first to see them and he ran right to Jack's office. Those two joined with Matt and Ed went out to have a talk with her. They told her that they would get Chris out of class as long as she agreed to stay at Narco and maybe just go talk on the beach. They said she could only hang out for an hour or so. We were all up in class as Chris and Mag walked out on the beach. We watched as they talked for about 5 minutes then disappeared up the boardwalk. That was the last we saw of Chris for 4 days. She had some loaded rigs, they shot up and then she took him to downtown LA, where he lived on the streets. Chris B. had hustle, if anyone could live like that it was Chris B. I used to call him the "Super Hero of Junkies". He had some incredible stories and I really believed him. I really enjoyed talking to and hanging out with Chris. He was someone that I really wanted to help, but also someone who I knew would die from his drug addiction. This rehab or any other rehab wasn't going to fix this guy, there was just something deeper with him.
I will talk about Chris' return to Narco in my next post. And continue with the excrutiating sauna treatment.
Peace.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Rehab 2 (cont 7) Sauna Treatment
The process at Narco is pretty simple. The program consists of 8 books. After book 1 the student leaves the classroom and begins their sauna treatment. The sauna is really the cornerstone of the program. There is no preset time limit for the sauna treatment. The student is just supposed to know when they are done. I talked to students who were in the sauna for two weeks and others who's sauna treatment lasted over six weeks. I also talked to many who had major flashbacks in the sauna. They actually got high from all the toxins leaving their body. I heard a lot of stories about what happens in the sauna, who knows how many are true or not. After the sauna the student is back in the classroom to finish his or her program. If a student slipped up and got high or drunk after the sauna they would be what is called "out of ethics". In that case they would have to redo their sauna treatment and then they were on an "ethics cycle". An Ethics Cycle would basically be performing manual labor instead of going to class. The Ethics Cycle would start after the sauna was over. Usually when redoing the sauna it would only last two to three weeks at the most. Most of the time the Ethics Cycle would last twenty to forty days, depending on the violation and the students attitude and where they are in the program. If the student was on book 7 and they took off it would be a lot worse than a student on book 2.
While I was still in detox I wanted to be in the sauna so badly. They looked like they had a blast. I didn't really know what was going on at first. I just saw a small group of people that ran around in their swimming suits and were never in class. They all looked like they were really good friends and they were always running across the beach and diving into the ocean, no matter how cold it was. They were also allowed to eat first and after their day in the sauna they were allowed to just hang out and skip the night classes. A lot of the time they were the only others besides the detox gang to be hanging around in the early evenings. Narco gave the students in the sauna a very light schedule because sitting in a sauna for over six hours a day can really take a lot out of a person and they didn't want them to over do it and get sick.
As all of us in detox started book 1 it was kind of a race to get through book 1 and into the sauna. Before anyone is allowed to begin the sauna treatment they are required to go a doctor and get a complete physical. So one day towards the end of book 1 Joe the Narco driver came into the classroom and called out a bunch of names and said "meet me in 10 minutes in the alley, you are all going to the Dr. today". I was stoked, I really wanted to start the sauna and get out of the freaking classroom for a while, a long while.
The group that went to the Dr. that day was me, Jeff, Brian, Chris B., Roman, Joyce,Samantha, Lindsay,Danny from Vegas and Enrique. We drove quite a ways to get to the Dr. office. After my experience with the shitty hospital from my medical detox I was a little nervous about this Dr.'s visit. Surprisingly, the office was really nice and the Dr. seemed quite legit. He even spoke perfect English. The first thing the Doc asked was "Ok, now how many of you have Hepatitis from IV drug use?" I shit when I saw all the hands go up. I didn't know anything about that. I used the same toilet as all these people, the same shower and I was going to be sitting in the sauna with them. During my physical I asked him a lot of questions, he reassured me a little, but I was still freaking out. Especially when he told me that there is no cure for Hep C, once you get it you will always have it and it will probably be the reason you die when you die. I was still in the exam room resting from giving blood when Roman came into the room. The Dr. shit when Roman took his shirt off and he saw all the lumps on his body. Especially the one that was erupting with smelly puss and blood, it was huge, I can't even explain how big this thing was. Roman was positive for Hepatits. All of us passed the physical except for Roman and Samantha. They both had Hep C. and Samantha had some liver of kidney problems because of it. The Dr. needed to clear some of the obvious problems up on Roman before he could start the sauna. Of the 10 of us that went to the Dr.'s that day, 5 had Hepatits. In the back of the office I saw two students that I had seen at Narco but had not met. They were both getting some kind of blood treatment. The first was a guy named James Agro, everyone called him Agro. He was from Hollywood and was a big-time tweaker. He shot speed into his veins up to 5 times a day. He was young, maybe 25. Agro was tall, about 6'5", really skinny and his hair was long and it stuck straight up. He was kind of cool looking in a scarey kind of way. He was the type you would think of when you thought of young, Hollywood drug users. The other person was a young girl named Nicole. She was all over the East Coast and had been a run away for years. She used Horoine and was also a heavy IV user. She had short, jet black hair and wore a lot of black eye make-up. she dressed real crazy, lot's of camo and short skirts with combat boots and piercings all over. I found out that they were getting treatment for Hepatits and were trying to get clearance from the Dr. so they could start the sauna treatment. I thought "Great, those two are going to be in the sauna with me." I was very comfortable with the group I thought I was going to be in the sauna with, now I wasn't so sure. Those two were freaks and scared the shit out of me. I couldn't imagine the sauna with more than five people in it at a time. I wasn't sure how this was going to work but I was all consumed with worry about how my time in the sauna was going to end up and who I was going to be with. I couldn't stop thinking about it. Atleast Roman didn't pass his physical so he wouldn't be in with me. And perhaps Agro and Nicole wouldn't get healthy in time to be in the sauna with me either. I just couldn't stop worrying about it. The Hepatits thing was really freaking me out. I didn't want to leave here with a permanent disease.
I will finish later.
peace.
While I was still in detox I wanted to be in the sauna so badly. They looked like they had a blast. I didn't really know what was going on at first. I just saw a small group of people that ran around in their swimming suits and were never in class. They all looked like they were really good friends and they were always running across the beach and diving into the ocean, no matter how cold it was. They were also allowed to eat first and after their day in the sauna they were allowed to just hang out and skip the night classes. A lot of the time they were the only others besides the detox gang to be hanging around in the early evenings. Narco gave the students in the sauna a very light schedule because sitting in a sauna for over six hours a day can really take a lot out of a person and they didn't want them to over do it and get sick.
As all of us in detox started book 1 it was kind of a race to get through book 1 and into the sauna. Before anyone is allowed to begin the sauna treatment they are required to go a doctor and get a complete physical. So one day towards the end of book 1 Joe the Narco driver came into the classroom and called out a bunch of names and said "meet me in 10 minutes in the alley, you are all going to the Dr. today". I was stoked, I really wanted to start the sauna and get out of the freaking classroom for a while, a long while.
The group that went to the Dr. that day was me, Jeff, Brian, Chris B., Roman, Joyce,Samantha, Lindsay,Danny from Vegas and Enrique. We drove quite a ways to get to the Dr. office. After my experience with the shitty hospital from my medical detox I was a little nervous about this Dr.'s visit. Surprisingly, the office was really nice and the Dr. seemed quite legit. He even spoke perfect English. The first thing the Doc asked was "Ok, now how many of you have Hepatitis from IV drug use?" I shit when I saw all the hands go up. I didn't know anything about that. I used the same toilet as all these people, the same shower and I was going to be sitting in the sauna with them. During my physical I asked him a lot of questions, he reassured me a little, but I was still freaking out. Especially when he told me that there is no cure for Hep C, once you get it you will always have it and it will probably be the reason you die when you die. I was still in the exam room resting from giving blood when Roman came into the room. The Dr. shit when Roman took his shirt off and he saw all the lumps on his body. Especially the one that was erupting with smelly puss and blood, it was huge, I can't even explain how big this thing was. Roman was positive for Hepatits. All of us passed the physical except for Roman and Samantha. They both had Hep C. and Samantha had some liver of kidney problems because of it. The Dr. needed to clear some of the obvious problems up on Roman before he could start the sauna. Of the 10 of us that went to the Dr.'s that day, 5 had Hepatits. In the back of the office I saw two students that I had seen at Narco but had not met. They were both getting some kind of blood treatment. The first was a guy named James Agro, everyone called him Agro. He was from Hollywood and was a big-time tweaker. He shot speed into his veins up to 5 times a day. He was young, maybe 25. Agro was tall, about 6'5", really skinny and his hair was long and it stuck straight up. He was kind of cool looking in a scarey kind of way. He was the type you would think of when you thought of young, Hollywood drug users. The other person was a young girl named Nicole. She was all over the East Coast and had been a run away for years. She used Horoine and was also a heavy IV user. She had short, jet black hair and wore a lot of black eye make-up. she dressed real crazy, lot's of camo and short skirts with combat boots and piercings all over. I found out that they were getting treatment for Hepatits and were trying to get clearance from the Dr. so they could start the sauna treatment. I thought "Great, those two are going to be in the sauna with me." I was very comfortable with the group I thought I was going to be in the sauna with, now I wasn't so sure. Those two were freaks and scared the shit out of me. I couldn't imagine the sauna with more than five people in it at a time. I wasn't sure how this was going to work but I was all consumed with worry about how my time in the sauna was going to end up and who I was going to be with. I couldn't stop thinking about it. Atleast Roman didn't pass his physical so he wouldn't be in with me. And perhaps Agro and Nicole wouldn't get healthy in time to be in the sauna with me either. I just couldn't stop worrying about it. The Hepatits thing was really freaking me out. I didn't want to leave here with a permanent disease.
I will finish later.
peace.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Journal # 10 New Comp.
OK, it's the Sunday after Thanksgiving and I still don't have a job. I have been offered a couple of jobs. Of the two jobs I have officially been offered, I would be taking a large cut in pay and major deduction in benefits. I really need health insurance and I would have to find my own with either job. With my situation, that would be really tough. The bottom line is the most important thing in this job search is health insurance. I won't be able to get any without being part of a group. I would have to start paying full price for everything ie; Dr. visits, prescriptions, and I would be screwed if it ever came to getting surgery on my neck.
The first offer was from STF Electric Services, they wanted a drug test. I was actually going to go take it. Who cares right? I called them to see if we could work something out with the health insurance situation. They wouldn't budge. Their offer was straight $23.00 per hour and that is it. No vacation pay, no holiday pay, no sick days. Literally no benefits at all. I just think I can do better. The one appealing thing STF offered was that I would be working on the Day Break Temple. That could be real cool. I would love to see a Temple go up, and hang all those fixtures and just see how they do all the neat things they do in those amazing buildings. Then I could remodel my house to look just like a Temple because I would know all the tricks.
The other job that I am still considering is Mr. Sparky. It is a Service and Repair company. Almost exactly like Captain Shitball where I used to work. The owner was definately planning on me to run a truck full time. That was fine, but the pay was too low. I kind of made it known that the pay wasn't going to cut it. Steve, the owner was very persistent, he kept calling me and his thing was to say "Hey, I am not a written book. We are writing the chapters as we go. Let's figure a starting number we can both live with and get going". I would start to think maybe then he would always say "the wage we pick is just a temporary training wage anyways. I am a firm believer in New Comp. It puts the burden on the tech, well not really burden, it gives the tech more of the ability to make as much as they want". Bull shit, it does put all the burden on the tech and takes all the risk off the owner. The tech get's paid like $12.oo per hour or less and they get paid by how much money they bring in. It's tough, you really can make good money. The Mr. Sparky guys in Atlanta, and Florida where it started are making unreal amounts of money, well some of the techs. Problem is you don't even start making New Comp unless you average over $1200.00 per day. I told Steve first of all "you are only in Utah County right now. I know that Ut. county cannot support New Comp. I know we tried at the Captain. and we never could make it work" He said "Ok, lets get in the Yellow Pages in SLC." Once again my response wasn't what he wanted to hear. I said "I'm sorry Steve but the Yellow Pages leads are terrible. There is know way I will go on New Comp and risk my family life on Ut. Co. and Yellow Page leads. We tried for a long time at Captain to make it work, and we were state wide. I was prospecting leads from Ogden to St. George and we still had to create a hybrid type of New Comp for our guys. They were all still making $24.00 per hour + New Comp. Only one guy ever even got any New Comp compensation." And "all of our health ins. was paid, 2 weeks paid vacation and all the major holidays paid. I don't really care about all of that, just the pay, the ins. and that is it." Steve said, "Well Mr. Sparky has a little different type of New Comp". "OK Steve, let me think about it and I will get back to you, soon. Thanks a lot" He was like "Sam, remember I am not a written book, we really want you. Come work with us. We are going to do special things. If you are going to some other job interviews forget it and just come to work. I know we can make New Comp work". He sounded a lot like Joe when I first hired on at the Captain, only worse about the New Comp. It won't work here in Utah. Not enough people will pay these crazy prices. To much risk is on the tech, all the risk is on the Tech, it's bull shit. I still don't know what to do. I just can't decide what to do.
I have been having entrepenureal (sp?) feelings since all these interviews and offers. I have relationships all over the state. Why can't I do this myself. If I am going to make someone $1500.00 a day, why not do it for myself. If I am going to work my ass off, I might as well do it for myself. Is that the right way to think? Can I do it with all that I have learned over the years? Am I too screwed up? Is it possible to go from 0 to successful contractor? I would only do service and repair, no house roping or anything big. I have met one General Contractor who is really pushing me to go into business for myself. He is in with a lot of home owners in Midway and says he can get me $4K to 6K per month in jobs like that. He has already gotten me a couple up there, and so far they have been good jobs. I am using Captain Elec price book and they have been willing to pay their prices. It is just hard. I would have to make my own Price Book, my own invoices, my own everything to look professional. The big thing is I would have to take the time to get properly licensed. That would really cut into my income right now, which is very paltry and it's Christmas time.
Well I am not sure what to do. I am just trying to stay busy and keep working hard to support my family. I think my daughters kind of think I am a loser. Just a hunch, because of all I have been though during their lives and now I am unemployed and can't find a good job. I know they wish their Dad was successful and could get a job easy. I think they are scared. I haven't talked too much to anyone about starting my own business. I am scared everyone will cringe or laugh and be like, come on pull your head out of your ass dumbshit. You can't do that. Maybe not. Got to go
Peace.
The first offer was from STF Electric Services, they wanted a drug test. I was actually going to go take it. Who cares right? I called them to see if we could work something out with the health insurance situation. They wouldn't budge. Their offer was straight $23.00 per hour and that is it. No vacation pay, no holiday pay, no sick days. Literally no benefits at all. I just think I can do better. The one appealing thing STF offered was that I would be working on the Day Break Temple. That could be real cool. I would love to see a Temple go up, and hang all those fixtures and just see how they do all the neat things they do in those amazing buildings. Then I could remodel my house to look just like a Temple because I would know all the tricks.
The other job that I am still considering is Mr. Sparky. It is a Service and Repair company. Almost exactly like Captain Shitball where I used to work. The owner was definately planning on me to run a truck full time. That was fine, but the pay was too low. I kind of made it known that the pay wasn't going to cut it. Steve, the owner was very persistent, he kept calling me and his thing was to say "Hey, I am not a written book. We are writing the chapters as we go. Let's figure a starting number we can both live with and get going". I would start to think maybe then he would always say "the wage we pick is just a temporary training wage anyways. I am a firm believer in New Comp. It puts the burden on the tech, well not really burden, it gives the tech more of the ability to make as much as they want". Bull shit, it does put all the burden on the tech and takes all the risk off the owner. The tech get's paid like $12.oo per hour or less and they get paid by how much money they bring in. It's tough, you really can make good money. The Mr. Sparky guys in Atlanta, and Florida where it started are making unreal amounts of money, well some of the techs. Problem is you don't even start making New Comp unless you average over $1200.00 per day. I told Steve first of all "you are only in Utah County right now. I know that Ut. county cannot support New Comp. I know we tried at the Captain. and we never could make it work" He said "Ok, lets get in the Yellow Pages in SLC." Once again my response wasn't what he wanted to hear. I said "I'm sorry Steve but the Yellow Pages leads are terrible. There is know way I will go on New Comp and risk my family life on Ut. Co. and Yellow Page leads. We tried for a long time at Captain to make it work, and we were state wide. I was prospecting leads from Ogden to St. George and we still had to create a hybrid type of New Comp for our guys. They were all still making $24.00 per hour + New Comp. Only one guy ever even got any New Comp compensation." And "all of our health ins. was paid, 2 weeks paid vacation and all the major holidays paid. I don't really care about all of that, just the pay, the ins. and that is it." Steve said, "Well Mr. Sparky has a little different type of New Comp". "OK Steve, let me think about it and I will get back to you, soon. Thanks a lot" He was like "Sam, remember I am not a written book, we really want you. Come work with us. We are going to do special things. If you are going to some other job interviews forget it and just come to work. I know we can make New Comp work". He sounded a lot like Joe when I first hired on at the Captain, only worse about the New Comp. It won't work here in Utah. Not enough people will pay these crazy prices. To much risk is on the tech, all the risk is on the Tech, it's bull shit. I still don't know what to do. I just can't decide what to do.
I have been having entrepenureal (sp?) feelings since all these interviews and offers. I have relationships all over the state. Why can't I do this myself. If I am going to make someone $1500.00 a day, why not do it for myself. If I am going to work my ass off, I might as well do it for myself. Is that the right way to think? Can I do it with all that I have learned over the years? Am I too screwed up? Is it possible to go from 0 to successful contractor? I would only do service and repair, no house roping or anything big. I have met one General Contractor who is really pushing me to go into business for myself. He is in with a lot of home owners in Midway and says he can get me $4K to 6K per month in jobs like that. He has already gotten me a couple up there, and so far they have been good jobs. I am using Captain Elec price book and they have been willing to pay their prices. It is just hard. I would have to make my own Price Book, my own invoices, my own everything to look professional. The big thing is I would have to take the time to get properly licensed. That would really cut into my income right now, which is very paltry and it's Christmas time.
Well I am not sure what to do. I am just trying to stay busy and keep working hard to support my family. I think my daughters kind of think I am a loser. Just a hunch, because of all I have been though during their lives and now I am unemployed and can't find a good job. I know they wish their Dad was successful and could get a job easy. I think they are scared. I haven't talked too much to anyone about starting my own business. I am scared everyone will cringe or laugh and be like, come on pull your head out of your ass dumbshit. You can't do that. Maybe not. Got to go
Peace.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Journal #9 Uncle Rico
My wife and Daughters love to call me uncle Rico. They think it is so funny. I really don't talk about my high school days that much, but I will admit, I loved my time in high school. I was a screw up for sure in high school. I didn't live up to my potential in any way, in sports or academically. I think I had the wrong impression of what I was there for. I was into having fun and that is what I did, I had a lot of fun. I got away with a lot and I think that set me up for a tough life. I shouldn't of graduated, but some of the teacher's loved me enough to give me some credits the last week of school to allow me to graduate. It was that close. In my senior English class the teacher was a man who fancied himself hip and cool. I never knew why but he never tested me or had any sort of confrontation with me. We were friends from the first day. Every Friday in his class we took a spelling and vocabulary test. 15 words that we were to have studied during the week. Every Friday I went to the front of the room and gave the test and read the definitions while the students corrected each others papers. I got 100% on every test, I still barely passed the class. I thought he was so cool. I thought he just liked me. I have thought about that over the years, a lot. He was prepared for me. He had heard about some of my run-ins with other teachers and he just figured he would control me. He did. He knew I would bomb the class even with all the advantages he gave me. I was only in class about half of the time, he probably made fun of me to the other students when I wasn't there. I am only now realizing how stupid I really was. Like in health class when the teacher announced, "Next time a police officer will be speaking to us about illegal drugs and bringing some samples from busts in to show us. Please be on your best behavior". I was sure to come in stoned out of my mind and just stinking bad of pot. I don't know why I did that, I thought it was cool. It wasnt, it was stupid, I could have gotten arrested. The cop was an undercover officer and he knew I was high. He even used me as an example. I didn't care. I just figured I would graduate, go to college, and get a good job. Actually, I thought I would be playing college or even pro ball. Not like that, but I didn't realize that. Everything was easy. Life was easy.
One time I was talking to another student at my school who also happened to live in my neighborhood. I can't remember what we were talking about, but I always think about something he said to me. He said "You are so lucky, it's like everything you touch turns to gold". I didn't really know what he meant. I think about that a lot. Sometimes I look at people and think, "man, they really have it together, I wish I had their life". However, I am sure they have their problems. Just like I had mine when that classmate said that to me. I am not sure why I have always remembered that, it just stuck with me. Not really as a compliment, I think about it more like that kid had no idea what my life is about. Even in high school when everything was easy, I still had worries. Mostly about passing my classes and graduating. I know I could have done a lot better I guess I was just too lazy and now I am paying the price. I am an electrician instead of a Lawyer. I took that gold and turned it into shit. I know people can be happy as electricians and plumbers it's all about what expectations you have for yourself. I never thought of myself as a guy who would work with his hands. I know I wasn't born to be an electrician, I am not really talented at it. I think I was just smart enough to be able to learn it. Some guys in the trade are passionate about it, they love being electricians. I don't, I do it to pay the bills. I thought I would be something better, make more money, hire electricians and guys like that. I didn't realize until it was too late that you had to work for it. Some people learn early on. I think those are the people that are successful. They start out with a purpose. If it is sports they want to do, they focus and get the most out of their talent. They get good grades in high school so that a college will want them. Nothing is easy. I looked around and saw all these people I knew getting all these things and accomplishing all these things and I think I thought it just happened for them. I didn't think about the fact that they worked really hard for something and made it happen. Good things don't just happen to people, people usually make good things happen for themselves. By the time I realized that I was already on the wrong track and it's hard to get off it. Now I have a giant struggle just to get on the right track let alone making a success of myself. Sounds kind of daunting, maybe I should just continue to be Uncle Rico, he is really funny and he can sure throw a piece of steak. It was awesome how he hit Napoleon right in the face while he was riding his bike with Pedro on the back. I had a good day this week, it was either Monday or Tuesday, I can't remember for sure. I know that everything felt like it was going to work out. I realize that my blog sounds like I am always down but that is not the truth. I think I am a lot more fun than I am probably being portrayed in this blog. I don't know why, but for some reason I only write the bleak stuff or bad stuff in here. The next time I have a good day I am really going to try to write in here so you can tell that I am not a despressing person. I'm not like that all the time. It has been good to get all this out however. The good day was a product of my thinking I had landed the job to replace my old job. It all crashed down on Friday. The offer was low, the offer did not include any insurance at all. He said perhaps he could give me some money to get my own insurance. I didn't tell him that any insurance company would just laugh at me if I tried to get insured not as part of a group plan. The offer also was for me to be in a truck full-time generating income. He wanted me to produce $1,200.00 per day in income for the company and he would pay me $19.50 per hour. I would also be paid 1% on all income I brought in over $1,000.00 per day. So if I made $1,100.00 in any particular day, I would make the normal $19.50 for my hours, plus I would make 1% of the $100.00 that I was over the $1,000 mark. What is that like a dollar? I was crushed. It was nice to be wanted, they really wanted me. I told him I would think about it. As I was leaving, I think he sensed I wasn't real happy, he said "Sam, nothing is written in stone, I am not a closed book. Let's work something out, you don't need to go interview with any other companies. You have a job here." I had told them I had a couple other interviews in the near future. That really did make him nervous. I just don't think that will pay the bills. I almost feel like if I am going to make $1000 a day, I would rather make it for myself. I do have another contractor putting a lot of pressure on me to start my own company. The more I talk to these electrical companies the more serious I think about it. I am stressed, can I do it? I failed last time. I have learned a lot since then and I think I could get the work. If I am going to work my ass off in the field, why not make the money myself? Why should I continue to make someone else money. Maybe if he made me a promise that eventually he would move me into the office and into the position I held with Captain Elec. it would be worth it. Help. Please tell me what you think.
peace.
One time I was talking to another student at my school who also happened to live in my neighborhood. I can't remember what we were talking about, but I always think about something he said to me. He said "You are so lucky, it's like everything you touch turns to gold". I didn't really know what he meant. I think about that a lot. Sometimes I look at people and think, "man, they really have it together, I wish I had their life". However, I am sure they have their problems. Just like I had mine when that classmate said that to me. I am not sure why I have always remembered that, it just stuck with me. Not really as a compliment, I think about it more like that kid had no idea what my life is about. Even in high school when everything was easy, I still had worries. Mostly about passing my classes and graduating. I know I could have done a lot better I guess I was just too lazy and now I am paying the price. I am an electrician instead of a Lawyer. I took that gold and turned it into shit. I know people can be happy as electricians and plumbers it's all about what expectations you have for yourself. I never thought of myself as a guy who would work with his hands. I know I wasn't born to be an electrician, I am not really talented at it. I think I was just smart enough to be able to learn it. Some guys in the trade are passionate about it, they love being electricians. I don't, I do it to pay the bills. I thought I would be something better, make more money, hire electricians and guys like that. I didn't realize until it was too late that you had to work for it. Some people learn early on. I think those are the people that are successful. They start out with a purpose. If it is sports they want to do, they focus and get the most out of their talent. They get good grades in high school so that a college will want them. Nothing is easy. I looked around and saw all these people I knew getting all these things and accomplishing all these things and I think I thought it just happened for them. I didn't think about the fact that they worked really hard for something and made it happen. Good things don't just happen to people, people usually make good things happen for themselves. By the time I realized that I was already on the wrong track and it's hard to get off it. Now I have a giant struggle just to get on the right track let alone making a success of myself. Sounds kind of daunting, maybe I should just continue to be Uncle Rico, he is really funny and he can sure throw a piece of steak. It was awesome how he hit Napoleon right in the face while he was riding his bike with Pedro on the back. I had a good day this week, it was either Monday or Tuesday, I can't remember for sure. I know that everything felt like it was going to work out. I realize that my blog sounds like I am always down but that is not the truth. I think I am a lot more fun than I am probably being portrayed in this blog. I don't know why, but for some reason I only write the bleak stuff or bad stuff in here. The next time I have a good day I am really going to try to write in here so you can tell that I am not a despressing person. I'm not like that all the time. It has been good to get all this out however. The good day was a product of my thinking I had landed the job to replace my old job. It all crashed down on Friday. The offer was low, the offer did not include any insurance at all. He said perhaps he could give me some money to get my own insurance. I didn't tell him that any insurance company would just laugh at me if I tried to get insured not as part of a group plan. The offer also was for me to be in a truck full-time generating income. He wanted me to produce $1,200.00 per day in income for the company and he would pay me $19.50 per hour. I would also be paid 1% on all income I brought in over $1,000.00 per day. So if I made $1,100.00 in any particular day, I would make the normal $19.50 for my hours, plus I would make 1% of the $100.00 that I was over the $1,000 mark. What is that like a dollar? I was crushed. It was nice to be wanted, they really wanted me. I told him I would think about it. As I was leaving, I think he sensed I wasn't real happy, he said "Sam, nothing is written in stone, I am not a closed book. Let's work something out, you don't need to go interview with any other companies. You have a job here." I had told them I had a couple other interviews in the near future. That really did make him nervous. I just don't think that will pay the bills. I almost feel like if I am going to make $1000 a day, I would rather make it for myself. I do have another contractor putting a lot of pressure on me to start my own company. The more I talk to these electrical companies the more serious I think about it. I am stressed, can I do it? I failed last time. I have learned a lot since then and I think I could get the work. If I am going to work my ass off in the field, why not make the money myself? Why should I continue to make someone else money. Maybe if he made me a promise that eventually he would move me into the office and into the position I held with Captain Elec. it would be worth it. Help. Please tell me what you think.
peace.
Monday, November 12, 2007
Journal #8 My Life As A Drug Addict
Hooray, I was just offered a job by STF Electric Services, Inc. They want me to come and work on the Day Break Temple for them. They know my situation and Steve Forsberg, one of the owners said that I could quickly work into a Project Manager position. Not exactly the job I envisioned when all this started, but hey, it's a decent job. The offer is for $23.00 per hour. I told them I wanted $28.00 per hour. I asked him if that was the best they could do. He said "that is actually quite a bit more that what we usually start our new guys out at". I said, "Do you offer any paid vacation or paid holiday?". Him, "Nope". I just said, "okay, when would you need me to start?" He was like, " ASAP, come in to the office tomorrow, fill out all the paperwork" No problem, I can handle that. Then he said it, he said "Then you can go down and take the drug test, the place is just a couple of blocks from the office, it usually only takes a day or two to get the results". Well nice knowing you guys. I am not sure they are going to be that excited about the 500mg of Morphine in my system, doctor prescription or not. Shit. My stomach really hurts. I am so screwed. It just hit me. Everyone is going to want a pre-hire drug screen. What the hell am I going to do? Shit, me stomach really hurts. I am not going to be able to get a decent job at all. I am going to have to take some shitty, residential wiring job for a crappy company that pays $18.00 an hour. I am going to be roping houses the rest of me life. I am a house roper. I wire houses. An I am slow at it, so I will never make a lot of money at it. I used to be pretty good at it. Oh man, my whole body hurts. Pre-hire drug screen. Maybe they will only test for coke or marijuana, it happens. How embarrassing if they don't and I fail. Does that go on my permanent record or something? How could I do this? What am I going to do? I am scared. I should have gone to church yesterday. I just don't feel like it. I don't feel like going to church. I don't want to talk to the employment specialist, even though he may be able to help. I know he can't, I have talked to him. I am on my own. Something good will happen, I am due for a good day this week. Man I feel like I just got kicked in the gut, like I need to throw up but I can't. This is making it worse to talk about it.
My daughters boyfriend is thinking about going on a mission. He is scared she won't be here when he get's home. He wants her to wear a promise ring. A freaking promise ring. Mandy was so excited about the "promise" ring. They went shopping for rings and it was this big deal. I didn't think she realized what she was promising so I sat her down last night and had a little talk. She freaked out and told him to take it back. Of course he freaked out and came right over to the house. He needs to loosen the reigns a little bit. I told him to just be cool and really nice and when he leaves, she will compare all the other guys to him. If he is the one, she will be here when he get's home, but I don't think a promise ring is the answer. I think I know how he feels. I think he would feel a lot better about leaving her if she was wearing a ring, but that is stupid. That would just make her feel more guilt when she meets some other guy and gets engaged. I really doubt the ring would stop her. Of course she picked out a ring that was $300.00. I said not a chance, you can't let him do that. So she picked one that was under $100.00. That was Thursday and she was so mad at me. Now atleast she understands why I wouldn't let him waste all that money. I said they could call it a friendship ring, but I think they should take it back and he should save his money. That also made her mad at me. Oh well, when it rains it pours.
Peace
My daughters boyfriend is thinking about going on a mission. He is scared she won't be here when he get's home. He wants her to wear a promise ring. A freaking promise ring. Mandy was so excited about the "promise" ring. They went shopping for rings and it was this big deal. I didn't think she realized what she was promising so I sat her down last night and had a little talk. She freaked out and told him to take it back. Of course he freaked out and came right over to the house. He needs to loosen the reigns a little bit. I told him to just be cool and really nice and when he leaves, she will compare all the other guys to him. If he is the one, she will be here when he get's home, but I don't think a promise ring is the answer. I think I know how he feels. I think he would feel a lot better about leaving her if she was wearing a ring, but that is stupid. That would just make her feel more guilt when she meets some other guy and gets engaged. I really doubt the ring would stop her. Of course she picked out a ring that was $300.00. I said not a chance, you can't let him do that. So she picked one that was under $100.00. That was Thursday and she was so mad at me. Now atleast she understands why I wouldn't let him waste all that money. I said they could call it a friendship ring, but I think they should take it back and he should save his money. That also made her mad at me. Oh well, when it rains it pours.
Peace
Friday, November 9, 2007
Rehab 2 (cont 6) Sundays @ Narco
I had a little bit of respect since throwing the football around on Christmas Day. But now it was Sunday, all everyone talked about was Sunday softball. Each year Narco would get two Newport Beach city league softball teams. One was for the students and one for the staff. The staff team was always decent and the student team always and I mean always sucked. Every Sunday everyone loaded up in vans and went to a park and played softball. Most of the staff that wasn't working would even show up, it was a big deal there. On the way to the park I new this would be another good chance to make some friends and get some respect. I was very nervous about one thing, Equipment. I didn't have my glove, my cleats anything. I didn't even feel good.
We get to this park and immediately everyone lights up their smokes and start talking shit. All the students thought they were awesome. It was surprising how many were remaining from last season. I would have thought they would have graduated and gone home by now. My thought turned to that since I was just finishing up rehab. What the hell have I gotten myself into, I thought again. Am I going to be here a freaking year? A lot of the guys were surfers or skaters, so they were a different kind of athlete. I knew I would be one if not the best player out here. I did scout out a few who looked like they could play. I was definately scared for our student team. I hoped the league was okay with no shirts, no shoes and smoking while playing and cool with extremely foul language. There was about 18 of us there including probably 5 girls who just wanted to watch. We had about six gloves and one ball. One of the gloves was a staff guy named Joe who wouldn't let anybody use his piece of shit Rawlings that he thought was really nice. Then Jack pulled up in his big, black Dodge. Behind him were three more low-rider cars and one crotch rocket motor cycle. The rest of the staff jumped out and we had us a game. Jack had a big bag of equipment. He walked up and dumped the contents of the bag on one of the floor of one of the dugouts. He then announced to everyone, "this is my new bat, you can use it but if you ding it or break it you replace it." He then grabbed an older bat from the floor and yelled "this is the bat that I used when I hit two balls over the fence while I was still on detox. As far as I know that has never been done or never will be done again". Man he was a cocky sucker. However, the challenge was out. I looked at the fence, it wasn't that far. I knew I could jack a couple out. I just didn't feel good and I hadn't played ball in quite a while. It would be a challenge. Then I watched Joe pitch. This was after he announced that he should pitch for both teams today to get ready for the season, as he was the pitcher. It might be tough to hit one out on Joe. He really sucked. Jack put an end to that idea luckily, "Joe, shut the F___ up. Each team will have their own pitcher you stupid mother f_____!" Jack said, thinking he was really clever. For some reason everyone laughed whenever Jack said stuff like this.
"Shut the f___ up and listen. Duga and I will pick teams", Jack yelled. Steven Duga was a longtime student who was always talking shit about how good he was. Warming up it was obvious that he couldn't catch, but he claimed that he played All-Stars in little leage. He was atleast 35 years old. Back then he played first base so naturally that is where he was going to play now. Seriously, he couldn't catch. Luckily in Jacks bag there was a bunch of old fielders gloves so we would atleast have enough that we could all have one on defense. They started picking teams. It was grueling, I wasn't getting picked. I thought Jack would take me early but he didn't, he didn't even look at me in the first five picks. I didn't want to be last. Kind of towards the end, Duga said "You know what, give me the big boy, I think that som-bitch can probably put a good ol whoopen on the ball" and he pointed at me. Thank you. I thought Duga was an ass hole. He was from Georgia and I think he really played up his accent big time, especially when girls were around. He also acted real tough around new guys and tried to intimidate them and make it harder on them. He really pissed me off. In fact, if I got a clean shot I was going to drill him in the back during the game. But now it looked like we would be on the same team. When Duga picked me Jack said "Ah shit, I forgot about Sammy. Shit ya, he's a F_ing player". The worst case scenario happened, Jack took Joe. That meant I would have to try to get a pitch near the plate from Joe who I had watched warm up. He was brutal. After the teams were picked it was mostly staff against students so someone said "let's just play staff vs. students" Jack was all over it.
We were up first. Like I predicted Joe walked about five of us in a row before everyone started yelling at him. "Just throw f___ing strikes". Jack quickly changed the rules to everyone hits. No balls and strikes. Now we were dead. My first time up I got up there and really tried to stay relaxed. I really wanted to mash one. I knew it was impossible, all the balls were really old and mushy, I don't think Barry Bonds could have hit one of those old balls over that fence. I waited for a decent pitch and ripped one down the third base line for a single. Not impressive. Especially not to these guys. A long fly out would impress these guys more than a line drive in the gap. It's like if you hit one really high and kind of far, they thought it was awesome and you were just a power hitter from hell. I was like okay, I can do that. Next time I was going to fly out deep. That's easy. So we got out and went into the field. Immediately Duga took charge. "Where do you play, dude" He said to me. "Infield, anywhere in the infield". Problem was all these guys thought it was an insult to play in the outfield so they all wanted to play infield, "Dude, you go to center, cool?" he said. "Whatever" and I ran to center. He went to first. His roommate and best friend Chris Marino was pitching. My detox buddy Danny went to second. He was buff so they thought he must be really good at softball. An older Cocaine addict from Phoenix named Mark went to shortstop. Mark was old, maybe 45 or older but he could play atleast. At third we had a brand new young kid named Danny as well. He went by D though. He talked like he was black and had been raised on the streets of LA, but he was really raised a rich little shit in Huntington Beach. The little shit could play ball. If Duga could catch we would have been alright. The pitcher Chris Marino was one of my favorite people of all the people I met at Narco. He was by far the most hardcore alcoholic I have ever met. But he took time to get to know me right from the start. He was a beach lifeguard from Hermosa Beach and just a real cool guy. He is one of the class room directors at a Narco in Nevada.
So two of their first three guys got on base because our first baseman failed to catch the ball. Jack was hitting cleanup for the staff team. So as Jack is walking up to bat he says "Here, I want to play with my own personal ball when I am up to bat", and he throws a brand new ball out to Chris to pitch to him. I start yelling "hey, that's bullshit! don't thow his a strike" I think that pissed him off. He hit one over our left fielders head and made a triple out of it. He then said "Okay, please put my ball in my bag". The son of a bitch wouldn't let anyone else play with his new, hard ball. what a dink. Our outfield was brutal. They scored about twenty runs on us that first inning. I was the only one out there that could catch and I can barely catch in the outfield. I just have a real hard time judging the ball but I did okay. All of out decent players were in the infield.
After maybe three innings Duga said "hey, why don't you come and play first. I think I need to sit out for a while". Part of the reason he had been at Narco so long it he had to have rotator cuff surgery about three months before I came. He took some pain killers so he kind of had to start the program all over. Now however, he was just embarrased and he could tell that I kind of knew how to play. As soon as I took over at first the game changed a lot. I dug a couple out of the dirt, both of them were pretty lucky but everyone was really impressed. All of a sudden we were a pretty good team. Even Danny at second base did alright. He never did get his glove on the ball, but he would always knock it down with his body and hustle and get and throw it to first. No matter who was on what base he would throw it to first as hard as he could. He was really funny.
So we played about seven innings. I didn't hit any homers, nobody did. Even Jack with his brand new ball couldn't knock one out. I kept hitting balls with topspin. They were all hit hard and nice line drives so I atleast got on base everytime. The really surprising one was the young, wanna-be tough kid "D". He was awesome. He almost hit a couple of those old mash balls over the fence and he made some amazing plays at third.
After that game Jack announced "Okay, let's switch it up a little. I'll take um, um sammy and D and Marc and you guys can have Chuck, Joe and tony". Joe wined a little so they traded him out. The student started bitching and moaning like crazy. "This is bullshit Jack, you took out best players. They F___ing play with us during the real season". Jack agreed that we would play with the students. During that game he let me play shortstop, he put Marc at second and D at third. We were tough. Jack was at first and he could play. He even let me hit his special ball. I was able to jack a couple balls out of the ball park. So I mentioned to him "Looks like I hit a couple out while still on detox Jack, just like you". His reply, "No, F___ that. That was the second game, a practice game and you had a brand new ball. It's also a blue dot ball" I guess those flew further, he said he hit his with Gold Dot balls. Whatever, what a dick, Jack is a dick. I really had no respect for him. Even before softball. Just because of how he treated people. I don't think someone in that position should act so much cooler than other people and try to put others down with sarcasm.
So I was in with that group of staff of students, the group that liked softball. On the way back to the house one of the staff mentioned that since I was a little older perhaps I would rather play with the staff. "Dude we'll make it worth your while. Movies after the games, restuarants after the games, we have fun. You need to pick the staff". I almost answered Hell Yes right then. However, one of the shitty student caught wind of it. It was Paul one of our muscle bound outfielders who sucked. He was a loud dude who was always trying to score with the ladies, and I think he did alright. He pitched a fit "No F_____ing way, that's bullshit. He's a F___ing student. He can't play with the F___ing staff you Mother F___ers!" Paul yelled in the van. Staff member Tony responded even louder "F___ you, he can do what ever the F___ he wants. I can have him do what ever the F___ I want. I am staff, and you are a F___ing student so shut the F___ up". I knew this was going to end badly for me no matter which way I went. Paul just sat there and mumbled "this is bull shit, this is bull shit. That is such bull shit, what an asshole" I was sitting next to him and I wondered if I was the ass hole. Paul was one of the guys I wanted to like me. He was a fun guy, who was always laughing and in a good mood. He was a funny dude and he wasn't into skateboarding or surfing. He was just a regular guy like me. He was from So. Cal. and he had even done some electrical work in the past. Now I think he was installing cabinets. Problem was he liked to shoot pure cocaine directly into his veins. So every time he got paid he would buy some blow, rent a shitty motel room and start slamming coke. He would run out and go buy some more, run out and go buy some more. Pretty soon he was completely out of money and he was making some pretty good money. Eventually he moved home and started stealing from his house when he would go broke. TV's, stereo's, furniture, appliances, you name it he took it. Even jewelry from his mom. But he seemed like a pretty cool guy. It's amazing what this disease will make you do. I think that I can usually talk to someone and tell if they are a bad person or if the disease just took over everything. I think that happened to Paul. Unless you have been there I don't think you could ever understand that. It's wierd.
So anyway, I was going to have to decide which team to play for. I asked if I could play for both teams. Tony said that I couldn't because they were in the same league. For one thing we would play each other, and the league wouldn't allow one person to be on two rosters in the same league. Atleast everyone was learning who I was as news of this situation got around. I would difinately have to choose the students but I needed to drag it out and make it dramatic. See if I could get some perks from the students and staff before I made the announcement. But if I would have chosen staff it would have sucked being with the students all the time, they were serious about softball.
Peace.
We get to this park and immediately everyone lights up their smokes and start talking shit. All the students thought they were awesome. It was surprising how many were remaining from last season. I would have thought they would have graduated and gone home by now. My thought turned to that since I was just finishing up rehab. What the hell have I gotten myself into, I thought again. Am I going to be here a freaking year? A lot of the guys were surfers or skaters, so they were a different kind of athlete. I knew I would be one if not the best player out here. I did scout out a few who looked like they could play. I was definately scared for our student team. I hoped the league was okay with no shirts, no shoes and smoking while playing and cool with extremely foul language. There was about 18 of us there including probably 5 girls who just wanted to watch. We had about six gloves and one ball. One of the gloves was a staff guy named Joe who wouldn't let anybody use his piece of shit Rawlings that he thought was really nice. Then Jack pulled up in his big, black Dodge. Behind him were three more low-rider cars and one crotch rocket motor cycle. The rest of the staff jumped out and we had us a game. Jack had a big bag of equipment. He walked up and dumped the contents of the bag on one of the floor of one of the dugouts. He then announced to everyone, "this is my new bat, you can use it but if you ding it or break it you replace it." He then grabbed an older bat from the floor and yelled "this is the bat that I used when I hit two balls over the fence while I was still on detox. As far as I know that has never been done or never will be done again". Man he was a cocky sucker. However, the challenge was out. I looked at the fence, it wasn't that far. I knew I could jack a couple out. I just didn't feel good and I hadn't played ball in quite a while. It would be a challenge. Then I watched Joe pitch. This was after he announced that he should pitch for both teams today to get ready for the season, as he was the pitcher. It might be tough to hit one out on Joe. He really sucked. Jack put an end to that idea luckily, "Joe, shut the F___ up. Each team will have their own pitcher you stupid mother f_____!" Jack said, thinking he was really clever. For some reason everyone laughed whenever Jack said stuff like this.
"Shut the f___ up and listen. Duga and I will pick teams", Jack yelled. Steven Duga was a longtime student who was always talking shit about how good he was. Warming up it was obvious that he couldn't catch, but he claimed that he played All-Stars in little leage. He was atleast 35 years old. Back then he played first base so naturally that is where he was going to play now. Seriously, he couldn't catch. Luckily in Jacks bag there was a bunch of old fielders gloves so we would atleast have enough that we could all have one on defense. They started picking teams. It was grueling, I wasn't getting picked. I thought Jack would take me early but he didn't, he didn't even look at me in the first five picks. I didn't want to be last. Kind of towards the end, Duga said "You know what, give me the big boy, I think that som-bitch can probably put a good ol whoopen on the ball" and he pointed at me. Thank you. I thought Duga was an ass hole. He was from Georgia and I think he really played up his accent big time, especially when girls were around. He also acted real tough around new guys and tried to intimidate them and make it harder on them. He really pissed me off. In fact, if I got a clean shot I was going to drill him in the back during the game. But now it looked like we would be on the same team. When Duga picked me Jack said "Ah shit, I forgot about Sammy. Shit ya, he's a F_ing player". The worst case scenario happened, Jack took Joe. That meant I would have to try to get a pitch near the plate from Joe who I had watched warm up. He was brutal. After the teams were picked it was mostly staff against students so someone said "let's just play staff vs. students" Jack was all over it.
We were up first. Like I predicted Joe walked about five of us in a row before everyone started yelling at him. "Just throw f___ing strikes". Jack quickly changed the rules to everyone hits. No balls and strikes. Now we were dead. My first time up I got up there and really tried to stay relaxed. I really wanted to mash one. I knew it was impossible, all the balls were really old and mushy, I don't think Barry Bonds could have hit one of those old balls over that fence. I waited for a decent pitch and ripped one down the third base line for a single. Not impressive. Especially not to these guys. A long fly out would impress these guys more than a line drive in the gap. It's like if you hit one really high and kind of far, they thought it was awesome and you were just a power hitter from hell. I was like okay, I can do that. Next time I was going to fly out deep. That's easy. So we got out and went into the field. Immediately Duga took charge. "Where do you play, dude" He said to me. "Infield, anywhere in the infield". Problem was all these guys thought it was an insult to play in the outfield so they all wanted to play infield, "Dude, you go to center, cool?" he said. "Whatever" and I ran to center. He went to first. His roommate and best friend Chris Marino was pitching. My detox buddy Danny went to second. He was buff so they thought he must be really good at softball. An older Cocaine addict from Phoenix named Mark went to shortstop. Mark was old, maybe 45 or older but he could play atleast. At third we had a brand new young kid named Danny as well. He went by D though. He talked like he was black and had been raised on the streets of LA, but he was really raised a rich little shit in Huntington Beach. The little shit could play ball. If Duga could catch we would have been alright. The pitcher Chris Marino was one of my favorite people of all the people I met at Narco. He was by far the most hardcore alcoholic I have ever met. But he took time to get to know me right from the start. He was a beach lifeguard from Hermosa Beach and just a real cool guy. He is one of the class room directors at a Narco in Nevada.
So two of their first three guys got on base because our first baseman failed to catch the ball. Jack was hitting cleanup for the staff team. So as Jack is walking up to bat he says "Here, I want to play with my own personal ball when I am up to bat", and he throws a brand new ball out to Chris to pitch to him. I start yelling "hey, that's bullshit! don't thow his a strike" I think that pissed him off. He hit one over our left fielders head and made a triple out of it. He then said "Okay, please put my ball in my bag". The son of a bitch wouldn't let anyone else play with his new, hard ball. what a dink. Our outfield was brutal. They scored about twenty runs on us that first inning. I was the only one out there that could catch and I can barely catch in the outfield. I just have a real hard time judging the ball but I did okay. All of out decent players were in the infield.
After maybe three innings Duga said "hey, why don't you come and play first. I think I need to sit out for a while". Part of the reason he had been at Narco so long it he had to have rotator cuff surgery about three months before I came. He took some pain killers so he kind of had to start the program all over. Now however, he was just embarrased and he could tell that I kind of knew how to play. As soon as I took over at first the game changed a lot. I dug a couple out of the dirt, both of them were pretty lucky but everyone was really impressed. All of a sudden we were a pretty good team. Even Danny at second base did alright. He never did get his glove on the ball, but he would always knock it down with his body and hustle and get and throw it to first. No matter who was on what base he would throw it to first as hard as he could. He was really funny.
So we played about seven innings. I didn't hit any homers, nobody did. Even Jack with his brand new ball couldn't knock one out. I kept hitting balls with topspin. They were all hit hard and nice line drives so I atleast got on base everytime. The really surprising one was the young, wanna-be tough kid "D". He was awesome. He almost hit a couple of those old mash balls over the fence and he made some amazing plays at third.
After that game Jack announced "Okay, let's switch it up a little. I'll take um, um sammy and D and Marc and you guys can have Chuck, Joe and tony". Joe wined a little so they traded him out. The student started bitching and moaning like crazy. "This is bullshit Jack, you took out best players. They F___ing play with us during the real season". Jack agreed that we would play with the students. During that game he let me play shortstop, he put Marc at second and D at third. We were tough. Jack was at first and he could play. He even let me hit his special ball. I was able to jack a couple balls out of the ball park. So I mentioned to him "Looks like I hit a couple out while still on detox Jack, just like you". His reply, "No, F___ that. That was the second game, a practice game and you had a brand new ball. It's also a blue dot ball" I guess those flew further, he said he hit his with Gold Dot balls. Whatever, what a dick, Jack is a dick. I really had no respect for him. Even before softball. Just because of how he treated people. I don't think someone in that position should act so much cooler than other people and try to put others down with sarcasm.
So I was in with that group of staff of students, the group that liked softball. On the way back to the house one of the staff mentioned that since I was a little older perhaps I would rather play with the staff. "Dude we'll make it worth your while. Movies after the games, restuarants after the games, we have fun. You need to pick the staff". I almost answered Hell Yes right then. However, one of the shitty student caught wind of it. It was Paul one of our muscle bound outfielders who sucked. He was a loud dude who was always trying to score with the ladies, and I think he did alright. He pitched a fit "No F_____ing way, that's bullshit. He's a F___ing student. He can't play with the F___ing staff you Mother F___ers!" Paul yelled in the van. Staff member Tony responded even louder "F___ you, he can do what ever the F___ he wants. I can have him do what ever the F___ I want. I am staff, and you are a F___ing student so shut the F___ up". I knew this was going to end badly for me no matter which way I went. Paul just sat there and mumbled "this is bull shit, this is bull shit. That is such bull shit, what an asshole" I was sitting next to him and I wondered if I was the ass hole. Paul was one of the guys I wanted to like me. He was a fun guy, who was always laughing and in a good mood. He was a funny dude and he wasn't into skateboarding or surfing. He was just a regular guy like me. He was from So. Cal. and he had even done some electrical work in the past. Now I think he was installing cabinets. Problem was he liked to shoot pure cocaine directly into his veins. So every time he got paid he would buy some blow, rent a shitty motel room and start slamming coke. He would run out and go buy some more, run out and go buy some more. Pretty soon he was completely out of money and he was making some pretty good money. Eventually he moved home and started stealing from his house when he would go broke. TV's, stereo's, furniture, appliances, you name it he took it. Even jewelry from his mom. But he seemed like a pretty cool guy. It's amazing what this disease will make you do. I think that I can usually talk to someone and tell if they are a bad person or if the disease just took over everything. I think that happened to Paul. Unless you have been there I don't think you could ever understand that. It's wierd.
So anyway, I was going to have to decide which team to play for. I asked if I could play for both teams. Tony said that I couldn't because they were in the same league. For one thing we would play each other, and the league wouldn't allow one person to be on two rosters in the same league. Atleast everyone was learning who I was as news of this situation got around. I would difinately have to choose the students but I needed to drag it out and make it dramatic. See if I could get some perks from the students and staff before I made the announcement. But if I would have chosen staff it would have sucked being with the students all the time, they were serious about softball.
Peace.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Rehab 2 (cont 5) Book 1
My last day on detox we were sitting on the ground level patio watching the crazies go by on the boardwalk. Danny and Brian were arguing about the best way to make counterfeit money. They each had pretty good techniques, Brian said Danny was just stupid to spend the money in the United Stated. He would always head striaght for Mexico and live like a king for a week or two with fake 100 dollar bills. He told me about one time when his parents were supposed to be out of town. he and two of his friends were making money as fast as they could. He had one friend going to the bank getting paper and the others had jobs too (I can't remember) . All of a sudden his Mom and Dad came home. He had money drying all over the house, some on cookie sheets some just laid flat on the floor, but it was everywhere. His Dad grabbed him and took him outside, where more money was laid out being dried, and said "You stupid kid, we are leaving for two hours, when we get back,you and all this stuff better be gone and cleaned up with no trace". Brian's dad had been in prison and really kept his nose clean. Brian and his friends lived in So. Cal, so they cleaned up, called a limo service and headed straight for Mexico to spend all the money. Both Danny and Brian claimed to create perfect money, however, they wouldn't spend it or they got caught spending it. Brian told me about the trip to Mexico and said he was lucky to live through it. I agree with him. No man should do that to his body. So we were just laughing at all the stories and Chuck came down and grabbed about six of us and said "Gentlemen and Ladies, it's time for book one and for all of you to become students". He led us upstairs and into the classroom and intoduced us to the class setting for the first time.
When we walked in everyone in the class was split up into pairs and sitting about two feet apart. They were all sitting completely still with their hands in their laps, staring directly into each others eyes. Chuck directed us in and introduced us to Stew and Lacy. Stew was the director and he shook our hands and introduced us to Lacy. At this point we were all whispering and wondering what the hell all the student were doing. Lacy then said loudly "Okay, you're all done, here are some new folks fresh from detox, let's show them how TR's are done correctly. That means no screwing around today, how does that sound guys?" We all went and found a seat and watched completely confused. Next, they stayed in pairs sitting across from a partner and sat completely motionless with their eyes closed. No one made a sound. If someone made a sound they all started over. The next "TR" was "Bullbaiting". One person stayed in the chair motionless and quiet. The other person could do anything they could to get them to laugh or smile or even move. Lacy explained to us that you have to feel completely comfortable in your own skin to be able to live life and make good life decisions. What some of the students were doing to the other students were doing to other students while bullbaiting really made me uncomfortable, especially in front of the females. You wouldn't believe the language.
When we walked in everyone in the class was split up into pairs and sitting about two feet apart. They were all sitting completely still with their hands in their laps, staring directly into each others eyes. Chuck directed us in and introduced us to Stew and Lacy. Stew was the director and he shook our hands and introduced us to Lacy. At this point we were all whispering and wondering what the hell all the student were doing. Lacy then said loudly "Okay, you're all done, here are some new folks fresh from detox, let's show them how TR's are done correctly. That means no screwing around today, how does that sound guys?" We all went and found a seat and watched completely confused. Next, they stayed in pairs sitting across from a partner and sat completely motionless with their eyes closed. No one made a sound. If someone made a sound they all started over. The next "TR" was "Bullbaiting". One person stayed in the chair motionless and quiet. The other person could do anything they could to get them to laugh or smile or even move. Lacy explained to us that you have to feel completely comfortable in your own skin to be able to live life and make good life decisions. What some of the students were doing to the other students were doing to other students while bullbaiting really made me uncomfortable, especially in front of the females. You wouldn't believe the language.
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Journal # 7 Sundays
I love Sundays. For one day the pressure is off. I think everyone feels like that for the most part. Maybe with the exception of students who have put their homework off, and those who have jobs. You know how you kind of get that wierd feeling on Sunday night, the whole thing is starting over in the morning. The whole grind of the week. The mondane (sp?) work week, for most people is starts Sunday evening. Atleast it did for me when I was working. Now I kind of have mixed emotions, part hope and part hopelessness. This week something will happen for sure, I am smart. Surely someone will hire me and everything will be okay. You always hear of others people who lose their jobs and how tough it is, you talk to them a while later and they have this great job and it was the best thing that ever happened to them. We are those kind of people, I come from that kind of family. A "Best thing ever Family". In fact I grew up in a "Best thing ever area", in a "Best thing ever Church. Surely things will work out. Problem is, I have always been different. When I was young I was being groomed to be successful, I felt it, I knew it, and I took it for granted. I was the most confident teenager in the world. I was bulletproof. On the other hand I am used to sabotage. I ruin things for myself. A lot of it is drug induced but it is real. It's like I hope things will work out great for me, but in my heart of hearts I know it won't. It just doesn't happen for me. I just had my dream job, my chance of a lifetime, and I screwed it up. The jobs that I really want are the type of jobs that are going to have much more qualified applicants applying. I just feel that, why the hell would they hire me. I am really just a freaking electrician. I have to try to quit thinking that way and have some confidence but atleast I always have my Journeyman license to fall back on. That is what my Mother and Father-in-Law keep saying to me. Translation:Why the hell aren't you working as an electrician supporting our daughter you lazy dumbass? We don't care what you WANT to do, we care what you can do. I understand their point of view, I would probably feel the same way if it was my daughter. My In-laws are kind of old school. They think an electrician is a great way to make a living. These days it just doesn't cut it. Before we had teenagers maybe we could make it, but now there is not a chance. I would have to work and then do side jobs all night long to make it and it would still be tough at that. Church has even gotten tough for me. Elder's Chorum is just plain torture for me. I just can't bring myself to go. I literally get physically ill just thinking about it. Hard to believe this is coming from the same person who once spoke in Sacrament Meeting on 2 minutes notice from his Father. It's true. I was 17 or 18, I arrived at Sacrament Meeting right before it started. My dad was in the Bishopric, he hurried down and met me before I could sit down and whispered, "sorry, I forgot to tell you that you are speaking today in Sacrament Meeting" I was like, "really, how much time do I need to take up". I was a little nervous, but I actually liked it. I made the audience laugh, and had no problems at all. I think I said some stuff about my Mother's old high school that made her mad, but she was so proud. It was easy, I had so much confidence. I could have done that any time. I gave lessons in front of the bishop off the top of my head, I could talk to anyone, I could do anything. Life was easy. Maybe too easy. Somewhere along the line it got hard. I don't mean life, that's obvious, I mean church stuff. I can't do it anymore. It's like the older you get the more complicated it get's. I think that being surrounded by returned missionaries intimidates me. I know I missed out on some awesome growth there. Both spiritually as well as mental toughness, but I have been through some tough stuff in my life. Trust me. I am scared to give a prayed in Sacrament Meeting now, forget about giving a talk. I am even scared to have a conversation with some of the men in out ward. That is why I hate to go to church. I don't like the guys who try to act nice to you. I'm not stupid. Now if it get's around that I am unemployed, which it has, it will be unbearable. I have a testimony, I have felt the spirit. It feels like love. Plain and simple. I have felt it. I try to keep it simple when it comes to religion. Treat people well and help people when you can. Go out of your way to help people. I try to be generous and I did several jobs for free when I was working as an electrician for Captain Elec. when clients couldn't pay and were under terrible circumstances. I always did freebies for older people, I did a lot of stuff the really made the management of Capt. Elc. mad. I always did it on my own time, but they wanted the job. I really do try. I just try to keep it simple because it so easy to get overwhelmed. Every Sunday it get's so complicated, there is so much to it. Why can't be simple, just love everyone. especially your family, help others, do the right thing. Instead it's all these smart guys showing how smart they are. It works, I think they are smart and they intimidate me. They intimidate me much more than being the new guy at a rehab or stressing about not being able to get my drugs and knowing I am going to be sick as hell, with the smart guys we are talking about eternity. We are talking about my family. I promise you, without my family I would be diad today. Sure as I am writing this right now, I would be dead. Peace
Friday, November 2, 2007
Rehab 2 (cont 4) detox
As I was finishing up detox things started to get a little better. Atleast in detox. I was still a little intimidated by the general public and had to act tough and road tested at meal time. Half way through detox a new guy came in named Chris Basko. He looked as if he was coming off a 6 month bender to me. Sure enough he had been living on the streets of LA for about 6 weeks. He slammed heroin and he some brutal stories to tell. He grew up very priveleged. He actually grew up on a boat all around the world but they always had a home in So Cal. It sounded like they had money but he had nothing good to say about his father. All the clothes he had were either stolen or taken from a dumpster. He said his shoes had been stolen off his feet two nights earlier and he hadn't been able to replace them yet. His girlfriend was supposed to be bringing him some clothes and shoes in the next few days. We were excited to see her. Chris actually looked okay, he had long, dark hair, he was real tan and looked like he was in good shape. He didn't eat a lot obviously, but he didn't look to unhealthy unless you looked into his eyes. He told us that he had gotten Hepatitis from a dirty needly about a year earlier. This was a common theme at Narco and I was nervous as hell, I didn't know a thing about Hep and everyone had it and there is no cure for it. Chris looked like a surf bum and acted like a surf bum. He was so excited to be close to the water so he could surf again. One problem, he didn't have a wet suit or a board or even a swimming suit. We quickly learned that Chris wasn't afraid to ask people to borrow stuff.
Up to that point my primary friends were Brian and Danny, although they didn't like each other much. They tolerated each other occasionally but not much. Brian was young, 18 and he could really surf. Every break he was in the water. I use to think that I was a crazy teenager until I met Brian, he was nuts. He had been drinking and smoking pot since 11 and slammed heroin at 14. Brian was from San Clemente and his dad loved to surf as well. His dad did a stint in State prison for murder and got out, got educated and started an engineering firm and made good for his family. His Dad had to surf every morning and most evenings or he was ornery Brian said, Brian was the same way. They looked like the typical surfers, pretty cool looking. You would never guess Brian was like that or even his Dad until Brian opened his mouth and you heard his language and he held back for nobody. Sad thing was Brian had a sweet, cute little girlfriend who would always visit. He of course had her slamming. She was 17, long blonde hair and looked innocent as you could ever imagine.
Danny was from Vegas and came from a very religious family. I think his dad was a preacher or something. Danny was kind of short and stocky with red hard buzzed tight to his head. Danny was not fat, he was really cut and really into his body. He was also very high strung. Danny was a hard core tweaker. He shot up every vain in his body. I think he just got a bad girlfriend and went downhill from there. He learned all about counterfieting twenty and one hunded dollar bills and that was his downfall. He worker construction until he got fired, then when he needed drugs for him and his girl he started stealing all kinds of stuff from all kinds of people, real crazy stuff. Then he decided to start to make money. He didn't dare buy drugs from a dealer with fake money so he went to a Vegas casino and bought a drink at the bar with a hundred. He got the change, left the tender a nice tip and split. It worked. He was going to mostly fastfood places to spend the money. He said he actually go turned down a couple of times, but just like" do you have anything smaller? There are some counterfeits going around". He would say nope and split. Then he said for some reason he doesn't know why he tried going to the same casino bar that he had gone to before. He ordered the drink, no prob, the tender took a little while. It started taking too long and he started getting nervous. After about two minutes he got up and started heading for the exit, then he started to run. Right after that he saw them chasing him, four of them. He made it out the door and his girl was parked right there. He just yelled as soon as he got outside "Go, go, go. Call my dad and get me out. Go. right now." She took off. They tackled him and he fought hard to get away and they kicked the shit out of him. I wondered why everyone who comes into Narco comes in looking like they had their ass kicked. He was in jail for 120 days. The judge offered him a chance to go to rehab in order to get out of the rest of his sentence. If he finished a program successfully he would just be on probation. Danny was on his best behavior. Danny was not a good athlete but he was a fast runner. he of course thought he was a great athlete. I would send him out for a pass and he could run under it forever and then he would drop it. Danny's dream was to get out of Narco and move to Page AZ. Start a boat rental, repair, detail shop. He thought he could get so rich there. Problem was he wanted to take his loser girlfriend with him. All he wanted was a simple life. A nice double wide trailer with AC, a business to pay the bills and someone to love him. That actually sounds nice. I guess if you set your site low, it's easy to attain. Danny wasn't stupid, he was a really smart kid. I liked him. he was just really preachy, always quoting scriptures to everyone and people didn't like that at all. I would tell him to be careful but he wouldn't listen to anyone, cocky guy.
One day brian, Chris B. and I went for a bike ride to Balboa. As we were riding down the boardwalk Chris noticed that the city had a cone out and had dug a huge hole in the midle of it. We got back to Narco and chris had a big plan. He said "you know Newport beach city has to have a shit load of cash. What if I was riding my bike and I fell in that hole in the middle of the boardwalk?" His plan was for us to go back at lunch time when the workers were gone, Brian or I would kick the single cone out of the way and he was going to freaking ride his bike right into the hole and hope he got hurt really badly. He was serious, he was going to get going realy fast. He looked like shit anyway, he could have just said he was in an accident an gotten away with it.
At lunch time we took off for the crash site. As we were leaving Roman started yelling "Hey, where are you guys going?" that wasn't good. Chris hadn't been at Narco long and he already couldn't stand Big Roman. Chris just yelled "We'll be right back, don't follow us you Fat F___". I knew that was going to be a problem when we got back. We had been lectured on including everyone, meaning Roman. Chris was dead serious about this bicycle wreck. He brought binoculars from the house so we could stop and scout it out. We stopped and checked out the site about 200 yards away. The workers were still working and it didn't look like they were going to stop. Brian was like, " Just ride your f-ing bike right into the middle of the hole, who gives a shit. You'll still be able to sue them". My vote was to abort mission. We didn't have a lot of time, we had to be back at the house and this could take a while. Chris came up with what I think could be the worst plan ever. For some reason, that is what we went with.
Brian and I were going to go ahead quite a ways. Chris was going to act like he was trying to hurry and catch up to us, therefore, he had to get going really fast. There were 4 guys on the work detail, one of them was just standing off to the side on the sand. The other three were kind of rotating actually performing the work. Chris was going to be speeding down the crowded as hell boardwalk, act like he couldn't see the workers, swerve at the last second to the left to avoid the hole and then swerve again because the one guy on the sand would be in his way. Just past him a property had a fence up and Chris was going to slam into that at full speed and make sure he hit his head on something hard and take his chances. We were to hear him yelling to wait, so we were supposed to stop to wait for him, thus we would be perfect witnesses. Great Plan, huh? I tried to talk them out of it. chris and Brian were all stoked about it. So I guess we were doing it.
Brian and I pedaled up ahead and sure enough we could hear Chris yelling out to us. Problem was so could the workers. Chris had a real hard time getting up the speed he needed because he was on the left side of the boardwalk, that means he was going against traffic on that side. On the boardwald it's always stay to your right. So there were strollers, joggers, roller bladers all kinds of traffic. He was still doing it. So we stop and wait for him. He got to about 50 feet from the hole and had a clear path from people moving over so he just started pedaling as hard as he could, standing up and everything, heading right for the hole. It looked so damn obvious. All the workers had stopped and were just looking at him. He acted like everything was natural and kept looking at us and telling us to wait even though we had actually stopped. He get's to the hole, swerves left, the guy in the sand moves out of the way. Once Chris hit the sand his tires sunk and he slowed way down, but the crazy son-of-a-bitch kept pedaling and slammed his freaking face into the top bar of the fence. Could be the funniest thing I have ever seen. The workers were just like, "what in the hell are you doing" They couldn't figure it out. He acted the whole thing out, slammed his face and then just rolled over like he totally piled it up into the fence. I don't think he realized that everyone had just watched him purposely run into the fence at about 5 MPH. He didn't care. We would go back and report it. then go the the doctor and then get an attorney or however that stuff works. On the way back to the house we tried to talk him out of it. But he was sueing. Brian and I were laughing so hard all the way back. When we got back Chris started making a big deal out of the accident. No one bought it. Jack finally came down to his room and told him to drop it.
All Chris got out of it was a nasty shiner and a sore shoulder, but Brian and I had a great laugh.
Peace.
Up to that point my primary friends were Brian and Danny, although they didn't like each other much. They tolerated each other occasionally but not much. Brian was young, 18 and he could really surf. Every break he was in the water. I use to think that I was a crazy teenager until I met Brian, he was nuts. He had been drinking and smoking pot since 11 and slammed heroin at 14. Brian was from San Clemente and his dad loved to surf as well. His dad did a stint in State prison for murder and got out, got educated and started an engineering firm and made good for his family. His Dad had to surf every morning and most evenings or he was ornery Brian said, Brian was the same way. They looked like the typical surfers, pretty cool looking. You would never guess Brian was like that or even his Dad until Brian opened his mouth and you heard his language and he held back for nobody. Sad thing was Brian had a sweet, cute little girlfriend who would always visit. He of course had her slamming. She was 17, long blonde hair and looked innocent as you could ever imagine.
Danny was from Vegas and came from a very religious family. I think his dad was a preacher or something. Danny was kind of short and stocky with red hard buzzed tight to his head. Danny was not fat, he was really cut and really into his body. He was also very high strung. Danny was a hard core tweaker. He shot up every vain in his body. I think he just got a bad girlfriend and went downhill from there. He learned all about counterfieting twenty and one hunded dollar bills and that was his downfall. He worker construction until he got fired, then when he needed drugs for him and his girl he started stealing all kinds of stuff from all kinds of people, real crazy stuff. Then he decided to start to make money. He didn't dare buy drugs from a dealer with fake money so he went to a Vegas casino and bought a drink at the bar with a hundred. He got the change, left the tender a nice tip and split. It worked. He was going to mostly fastfood places to spend the money. He said he actually go turned down a couple of times, but just like" do you have anything smaller? There are some counterfeits going around". He would say nope and split. Then he said for some reason he doesn't know why he tried going to the same casino bar that he had gone to before. He ordered the drink, no prob, the tender took a little while. It started taking too long and he started getting nervous. After about two minutes he got up and started heading for the exit, then he started to run. Right after that he saw them chasing him, four of them. He made it out the door and his girl was parked right there. He just yelled as soon as he got outside "Go, go, go. Call my dad and get me out. Go. right now." She took off. They tackled him and he fought hard to get away and they kicked the shit out of him. I wondered why everyone who comes into Narco comes in looking like they had their ass kicked. He was in jail for 120 days. The judge offered him a chance to go to rehab in order to get out of the rest of his sentence. If he finished a program successfully he would just be on probation. Danny was on his best behavior. Danny was not a good athlete but he was a fast runner. he of course thought he was a great athlete. I would send him out for a pass and he could run under it forever and then he would drop it. Danny's dream was to get out of Narco and move to Page AZ. Start a boat rental, repair, detail shop. He thought he could get so rich there. Problem was he wanted to take his loser girlfriend with him. All he wanted was a simple life. A nice double wide trailer with AC, a business to pay the bills and someone to love him. That actually sounds nice. I guess if you set your site low, it's easy to attain. Danny wasn't stupid, he was a really smart kid. I liked him. he was just really preachy, always quoting scriptures to everyone and people didn't like that at all. I would tell him to be careful but he wouldn't listen to anyone, cocky guy.
One day brian, Chris B. and I went for a bike ride to Balboa. As we were riding down the boardwalk Chris noticed that the city had a cone out and had dug a huge hole in the midle of it. We got back to Narco and chris had a big plan. He said "you know Newport beach city has to have a shit load of cash. What if I was riding my bike and I fell in that hole in the middle of the boardwalk?" His plan was for us to go back at lunch time when the workers were gone, Brian or I would kick the single cone out of the way and he was going to freaking ride his bike right into the hole and hope he got hurt really badly. He was serious, he was going to get going realy fast. He looked like shit anyway, he could have just said he was in an accident an gotten away with it.
At lunch time we took off for the crash site. As we were leaving Roman started yelling "Hey, where are you guys going?" that wasn't good. Chris hadn't been at Narco long and he already couldn't stand Big Roman. Chris just yelled "We'll be right back, don't follow us you Fat F___". I knew that was going to be a problem when we got back. We had been lectured on including everyone, meaning Roman. Chris was dead serious about this bicycle wreck. He brought binoculars from the house so we could stop and scout it out. We stopped and checked out the site about 200 yards away. The workers were still working and it didn't look like they were going to stop. Brian was like, " Just ride your f-ing bike right into the middle of the hole, who gives a shit. You'll still be able to sue them". My vote was to abort mission. We didn't have a lot of time, we had to be back at the house and this could take a while. Chris came up with what I think could be the worst plan ever. For some reason, that is what we went with.
Brian and I were going to go ahead quite a ways. Chris was going to act like he was trying to hurry and catch up to us, therefore, he had to get going really fast. There were 4 guys on the work detail, one of them was just standing off to the side on the sand. The other three were kind of rotating actually performing the work. Chris was going to be speeding down the crowded as hell boardwalk, act like he couldn't see the workers, swerve at the last second to the left to avoid the hole and then swerve again because the one guy on the sand would be in his way. Just past him a property had a fence up and Chris was going to slam into that at full speed and make sure he hit his head on something hard and take his chances. We were to hear him yelling to wait, so we were supposed to stop to wait for him, thus we would be perfect witnesses. Great Plan, huh? I tried to talk them out of it. chris and Brian were all stoked about it. So I guess we were doing it.
Brian and I pedaled up ahead and sure enough we could hear Chris yelling out to us. Problem was so could the workers. Chris had a real hard time getting up the speed he needed because he was on the left side of the boardwalk, that means he was going against traffic on that side. On the boardwald it's always stay to your right. So there were strollers, joggers, roller bladers all kinds of traffic. He was still doing it. So we stop and wait for him. He got to about 50 feet from the hole and had a clear path from people moving over so he just started pedaling as hard as he could, standing up and everything, heading right for the hole. It looked so damn obvious. All the workers had stopped and were just looking at him. He acted like everything was natural and kept looking at us and telling us to wait even though we had actually stopped. He get's to the hole, swerves left, the guy in the sand moves out of the way. Once Chris hit the sand his tires sunk and he slowed way down, but the crazy son-of-a-bitch kept pedaling and slammed his freaking face into the top bar of the fence. Could be the funniest thing I have ever seen. The workers were just like, "what in the hell are you doing" They couldn't figure it out. He acted the whole thing out, slammed his face and then just rolled over like he totally piled it up into the fence. I don't think he realized that everyone had just watched him purposely run into the fence at about 5 MPH. He didn't care. We would go back and report it. then go the the doctor and then get an attorney or however that stuff works. On the way back to the house we tried to talk him out of it. But he was sueing. Brian and I were laughing so hard all the way back. When we got back Chris started making a big deal out of the accident. No one bought it. Jack finally came down to his room and told him to drop it.
All Chris got out of it was a nasty shiner and a sore shoulder, but Brian and I had a great laugh.
Peace.
Thursday, November 1, 2007
Journal # 6 Del Taco-Drive Up Window
Today was rough. Very rough. It was one of those days where everything felt like it was crashing down on me. Let me break it down for you. In a fourteen day period I usually will have one great day. One terrible day per week, two almost terrible days per week and the rest are just crummy. However, that great day almost makes up for all the bad days. Most great days start out with a paycheck which leads to stress relief. I feel like I have options on great days, like some opportunities might actually work out. I guess a great day is a day that I am filled with hope. That's all it takes. Everyone is happy around me on great days. I don't spill anything in my car or on my shirt. My wife doesn't bring any bad things up about the cars or health insurance or bills or money in general, it just goes smooth. Two days a month I think I love life. That's not bad is it? What do you think the normal persons great day rate is? I might have to say that lately, it might be a little less than two days a month, in fact I can't remember the last one. If you keep reading this journal you will surely read about one sooner or later.
Let's see, today was the day that I really expected to get some action on the job search. I fired up the laptop with expectations of some very important reply emails. I got one "No thanks" and one "We definatly want to talk with you, but first you need to go to our website and check it out". That is a red flag. Sure enough, it was another light bulb sales job. They want you to pay them four hundred dollars to get started and I get the feeling that they want to talk to everybody who applies. I am drowning here. I keep putting off the inevitable, electrical work. I'm a freaking sparky. No matter what anybody says. It's easy to say "You can be whatever you put your mind to being, you just have to decide and do it." Bullshit. I can't afford to work my way up the company ladder of a company. I have three teenagers. Teenagers are very expensive, I'm not kidding.I think the thing that I am the most worried about. Atleast it makes me want to cry when I think about it is embarrasing my kids. I don't want them to have to go without because their Dad doesn't have a job. I want to be solid like my Dad was for me. I didn't have to worry about shit. My kids have to worry about health insurance, ours sucks. If the girls get hurt or sick they are nervous to tell us. Except for Mandy, I think she likes it for some reason. We have never had dental insurance. My girls go once in a while. Only when they get a toothache.Some days bad news just keeps coming. I keep waiting for the good news and occasionally it comes, but most of the time the bad news prevails. Let's see today the temporary license sticker on my truck expired and I can't get it to pass emmissions. My wife's car is now 30 days over due and she let me know in no uncertain terms I was to get it done soon. My 19 year old daughter's car's license is now overdue and my wife let me know that it is also my responsibility to take care of that, as a Dad. I got a letter that my crappy health insurance will be expiring soon. I also came to the realization that I am on my own. I can't find a good job but I have to provide for my family. I try to think of other things, like I said earlier, but obviously I need to be dealing with the problem. I only think of other things at night, when it's quiet and I have time to think. Or my mind has time to think for me. I recieved the news that my wife is completely out of money and her overdraft is maxed. She had a check declined at Wal-Mart, that will make anyone in a good mood. My 19 year old daughter spent her whole paycheck on clothes and a snow boarding outfit, she has no fuel in her car and she doesn't get paid for over a week. My sixteen year old daughter is out of money and out of fuel and she is scared to ask me for money, atleast that's what my wife said. All my girls want to change what they are for Halloween, they all need money to buy new costume's. That's ridiculous, I already paid for one I say, well, all their friends are getting them. What do I do? Just say sorry? You have to be what you said earlier and not what all your friends are going as? It's hard. But my hell, all three of them? It's not like they're little kids. I don't want them to be embarrassed or go without, I want them to feel normal and have things. If all their friends are going as pirates I guess I shouldn't force them to go as an angel because I already bought them a halo and wings, or maybe I should. My mom probably would have.It just kept coming and coming yesterday. Today is a new day. I just got done with an interview. They wanted me to start asap. It is a call center, I always said I would never work at a call center. All the kids making tons of money, sitting on the phone all day. I would have to wear one of those little headsets like the drive-up window worker at Del-Taco. But I need work and some of them make a lot of cash. The benefits suck and it is minimum wage plus commission. Starting out could be tough and if I fail it will be real tough. We'll be totally broke at Christmas time. I'm scared. Atleast Michael Scott worked at a call center in the last episode of the "Office". He did quit at the end though.
Sorry if this entry is a little boring, well I know it is a little boring.
peace.
Let's see, today was the day that I really expected to get some action on the job search. I fired up the laptop with expectations of some very important reply emails. I got one "No thanks" and one "We definatly want to talk with you, but first you need to go to our website and check it out". That is a red flag. Sure enough, it was another light bulb sales job. They want you to pay them four hundred dollars to get started and I get the feeling that they want to talk to everybody who applies. I am drowning here. I keep putting off the inevitable, electrical work. I'm a freaking sparky. No matter what anybody says. It's easy to say "You can be whatever you put your mind to being, you just have to decide and do it." Bullshit. I can't afford to work my way up the company ladder of a company. I have three teenagers. Teenagers are very expensive, I'm not kidding.I think the thing that I am the most worried about. Atleast it makes me want to cry when I think about it is embarrasing my kids. I don't want them to have to go without because their Dad doesn't have a job. I want to be solid like my Dad was for me. I didn't have to worry about shit. My kids have to worry about health insurance, ours sucks. If the girls get hurt or sick they are nervous to tell us. Except for Mandy, I think she likes it for some reason. We have never had dental insurance. My girls go once in a while. Only when they get a toothache.Some days bad news just keeps coming. I keep waiting for the good news and occasionally it comes, but most of the time the bad news prevails. Let's see today the temporary license sticker on my truck expired and I can't get it to pass emmissions. My wife's car is now 30 days over due and she let me know in no uncertain terms I was to get it done soon. My 19 year old daughter's car's license is now overdue and my wife let me know that it is also my responsibility to take care of that, as a Dad. I got a letter that my crappy health insurance will be expiring soon. I also came to the realization that I am on my own. I can't find a good job but I have to provide for my family. I try to think of other things, like I said earlier, but obviously I need to be dealing with the problem. I only think of other things at night, when it's quiet and I have time to think. Or my mind has time to think for me. I recieved the news that my wife is completely out of money and her overdraft is maxed. She had a check declined at Wal-Mart, that will make anyone in a good mood. My 19 year old daughter spent her whole paycheck on clothes and a snow boarding outfit, she has no fuel in her car and she doesn't get paid for over a week. My sixteen year old daughter is out of money and out of fuel and she is scared to ask me for money, atleast that's what my wife said. All my girls want to change what they are for Halloween, they all need money to buy new costume's. That's ridiculous, I already paid for one I say, well, all their friends are getting them. What do I do? Just say sorry? You have to be what you said earlier and not what all your friends are going as? It's hard. But my hell, all three of them? It's not like they're little kids. I don't want them to be embarrassed or go without, I want them to feel normal and have things. If all their friends are going as pirates I guess I shouldn't force them to go as an angel because I already bought them a halo and wings, or maybe I should. My mom probably would have.It just kept coming and coming yesterday. Today is a new day. I just got done with an interview. They wanted me to start asap. It is a call center, I always said I would never work at a call center. All the kids making tons of money, sitting on the phone all day. I would have to wear one of those little headsets like the drive-up window worker at Del-Taco. But I need work and some of them make a lot of cash. The benefits suck and it is minimum wage plus commission. Starting out could be tough and if I fail it will be real tough. We'll be totally broke at Christmas time. I'm scared. Atleast Michael Scott worked at a call center in the last episode of the "Office". He did quit at the end though.
Sorry if this entry is a little boring, well I know it is a little boring.
peace.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)