New Chapters

I think I am starting a new chapter in my life. The story line remains, but the plot kind of takes a turn. Or maybe that is just backwards, either way the main story is that I am an addict trying to get through life. I am trying to provide for a family, be a good father, good husband, good brother, and so on and so on. But mostly, I am trying to do all this while attempting to get off drugs. Where the plot change comes in is that I was shit canned from my job after about 4 years last Thursday. I am mad, but I don't blame my boss. I was sucking. I wasn't getting the job done. I am seriously having doubts about whether I can work and kick drugs at the same time. The shit of it is that I don't have any choice. I have been doing outside sales, marketing and account managing for about the last year and a half. My body is just to beat up to continue working construction. Occasionally, I'll do a side job on a Saturday and I am down all day on Sunday soar as hell. Both of my knees ache and won't stop and my neck constantly hurts like an SOB. I have two herniated discs in my neck. I think that I really knew that I was going to get canned for about the last six weeks. My company hasn't been doing well and we have been cutting our advertising and marketing budgets. The thing that pisses me off is that my bosses wife is pretty much the one that made the call. I think she is really calling all the shots at this point. She is a bitch.
I am looking for sales or some kind of an account manager type of job. But I know the reality is that I am going to be working construction again. I am scared. I am really scared. What if I just can't do it. I know I have to do it. I can't let my daughters down. I couldn't tell them that I was layed off for two days, I just went to work like normal and sat there all day. I didn't want them to feel unsecure or worried. I didn't even let my wife know. She said that I was distant though. I told her it was the drug decreases when she would ask. Actually, that really was probably part of it. That is going to be the worst part of all this. I know there is no way I can work physically all day every day and continue to decrease my drugs like the doctors are going to prescribe. I don't know what to do. If you have any ideas please post a comment, any suggestions would be appreciated. This is not the continuation of "Crash and Burn". This was just something that happened.
So far my kids have been pretty good about it. I have really been trying to act like I am not worried at all and not bothered at all. I say that I am just waiting for my severence to run out and then I will start working.

I am going to post this, and finish it next time.
peace