Crash and Burn (cont 2)

The whole blow up with my wife happened at about ten a.m Saturday. After she left I didn't have a lot of time to deal what had just happened. I was heading to a rehab basically as a single man. She said that she was getting an attorney, well her sister said that she was getting her an attorney, a good attorney. My wife just couldn't take anymore. This, was the final straw. Finally. My mother and I called my siblings and informed them that I would be leaving the next day and I called my two good friends. These are lifelong, good friends who I didn't use with. They knew I used and would do anything to help, but not unless I asked. Of course I also made that call to Rocky to make sure that I was hooked up for the next 24 hours. The first friend I called was "Duke". He lived to near my parents new home so he said "well, let's go get a drink". Which really meant he had something that he needed to do or say to me. I got off the phone and told my parents I was going with Duke. I think they were worried. I would have taken off right when my wife showed up at my house. I admit it. I would have snuck out the back door and left and got high if I had had an ounce of gas in my car. Instead, I had to sit there and stick it out. That is the one good thing about drugs, you can just escape if you need to. I always just wished that i could still get high. I really think that I am truly addicted to the act of taking drugs. The ritual of all of it.
Duke got to my house. "Where are your golf clubs? Do you have a laptop?" He started asking all kinds of questions like this. I was wondering what the hell he was getting at. He was like just think about the last time you left. that's right. My father-in-law sold my golf clubs, laptop, and my boat. Anything he could get a buck for. Even some of my tools. So Duke and I rounded up my most valuable tools, golf clubs anything we could think of and took them down to my other best friends house "Bo". He was sad to see me go. He was glad to help and we stored my stuff in his shed. I said good bye to him and his family with hugs and tears. I didn't have a lot of time and both of these guys had lives and families. They didn't have time to waste hanging all day with me. So Duke took my home. We had a great talk and he gave me an outstanding pep talk about how I could do this and I was such a strong individual. BULLSHIT. It's not like I hadn't been through this before. I will admit, I was scared to go this time. I just went into my parents basement and waited. I was all packed and ready to go. Then my oldest sister showed up. I thought that I really wanted to be alone, but I didnt, I was so glad that she was there with me. When I went into the other room and got high she didn't seem to mind and we just talked. I told her about the process of crushing the pills and snorting them and just talked, we just talked.It was great. She stayed pretty late, as she was getting ready to leave I asked her why she had come. "Because I love you and I wanted to spend some time with you before you left and I am really scared for you. We have no idea what you are about to get your self into" she said. I was so glad that someone else was worried too. So glad that someone still loved me and was scared for me. I felt like everyone would just be thinking, "I hope it's a hell hole, he is getting what he deserves." My sister and I talked a lot about my parents. I told them that I really understood my parents. I wasn't doing anything to hurt them on purpose. This addiction is real, I was really fighting for my life. Most of the time I would wake up and pray as fervently as possible that I would die that day. I didn't want to kill myself, although I did contemplate it, but I really wanted to die. I didn't give a shit how. Just let it happen. Death; such a scary word all of sudden meant relief to me. I was actually stoked to get to a place where everyone else was addicted. Atleast everyone would understand where I was coming from. I would more than likely be considered a light weight at this rehab. this should be interesting.